People hate flaky people. I hate when I’m that flaky person.
According to urban dictionary a flaky person is,
“An unreliable person. A procrastinator. A careless or lazy person. Dishonest and doesn’t keep to their word. They’ll tell you they’re going to do one thing, and never do it. They’ll tell you that they’ll meet you somewhere, and show up an hour late or don’t show up at all.”
Ouch. This definition is pretty brutal for the flaky person to hear, but it is accurate.
I don’t think that I’m constantly being a flake, but there are times when I have to cancel on plans last minute and I feel like I’m the worst friend ever. Although, I usually bend over backwards for my friends, but there are times when I get burnt out and have to flake.
Reasons why I’m flaky:
- I over-commit my time. I tend to agree to a lot of things to please others. I try to make everything work, but sometimes it’s too much and I don’t have time to really do it all.
- I’m an introvert. I like having time to myself and sometimes being around people is exhausting. If I’ve spent my day around other people, I feel drained. Then I tend to cancel my evening plans because a night of relaxing by myself is more appealing than continuing to entertain others.
- I have anxiety. I have self-diagnosed myself with anxiety. I often worry about small things and make them a bigger deal than they should be. If every small detail isn’t planned just right I worry that things won’t go right. Sometimes I cancel plans because the pressure of having a fun evening is too overwhelming.
- I didn’t want to hang out in the first place. Sometimes people ask me to hang out or to do something and I don’t really have a reason to say no, I just don’t want to do it. But in order to be polite and to not offend anyone or not to make it awkward, I agree. But then when it comes time to hang out, I stress out and am frustrated because I have to do this thing that I didn’t really want to do in the first place. I recently came across this Ted Talk – The Magic of Not Giving a F*** – and it’s starting to change my life. I haven’t completely implemented it, but it’s in the back of my mind to be aware of my Fuck Bucks (watch the video and you’ll know what I’m talking about).
I’m sorry I’m flaky. I really don’t mean to be and I’m sure your flaky friends don’t either. Please understand that when your friend flakes on you that it’s probably not anything personal but it’s on their end. They wanted to please you by committing to plans, but then they realized it’s in their best interest to cancel. Cancelling plans shouldn’t be their go to move, but it may sometimes be necessary.
And if you’re the flaky friend, figure out why. Start being honest with yourself and others about why you cancel plans. When you’re honest in the beginning your friends will appreciate it more than just thinking you’re a flake.
Do you have any flaky friends?