Scared of Success

This might sound crazy, but I think I’m afraid of being successful. Most people are afraid to fail, which believe me, I’m very afraid of failing, but success scares me more.

I’m not really sure why, but I think it’s the fear of the unknown. To me, success is unknown.

How do you even define success? According to Merriam-Webster, success is a degree or measure of succeeding, favorable or desired outcome, the attainment of wealth or one that succeeds (to turn out well).

Success seems so subjective. Everyone sets their own bar of what success looks like to them. I struggle with defining what success means to me. My vague idea of success is living my dream life with no worries.

So, what is my dream life?

I have no idea. Sometimes all I want in life is to lay on the couch all day with my boyfriend and the puppies with a glass of wine while watching tv. Sometimes I can count my blessings and consider myself already living my dream life, but on the other hand I feel like I’m far from it. Sometimes my current situation doesn’t feel like enough and I want my life to be filled with more people, traveling, volunteering, shopping, and walks along the beach of my future vacation home. I know that I want more out of life, but what if more actually isn’t what I really want? And what will more really entail?

Will more come with more hard work and require more effort? Would I be ready for more responsibility? Would I enjoy it? Would it come easily and be the best thing that ever happened to me?

Maybe I’m afraid to admit what I really want in my life. Maybe I’m afraid to admit that I want my life to be a certain way because I don’t know if I deserve it. Am I deserving of a successful and luxurious lifestyle?

I believe I deserve success. I believe you do, too.

Success may seem unknown, but what I do know is that I’ll never know what it is until I define it for myself and make it happen.

I believe that there is so much more available to us in this life than we are brave enough to grab a hold of.